Monday, May 29, 2006

a really boring day today. woke up, went for mass then home cause mom and dad had some friend's birthday party thing so the three of us got sent home. then bro went to play tennis sis went out so it was me all alone at home with rover. haha i gave him a bath! pre u sem tmw all the way till fri. roars. it better be nice man and not a waste of my one week of hols .haha packing my bag last min and we're all gonna bring trolley bags . so weird going into chem lecture tmw morning with the bag. hah i think i'll be a laughing stock. at least gonna watch xmen on fri with badminton people. haha at least im doing something nice this week.haha they better not pangseh. i think my life's super boring. there's nothing interesting happening. oh wells. i guess its good this way. (:

celine: yeah im glad there's someone who feels the same way too! always thought i was the only idiot who misses the past so much.
aileen: yes i choose you too! we better go out soon!!!!
pamela: hahah you're damn pro at gp please!!! hehe im seeing you tmw! hahah do you love eating gold bars now ?? (:
haowen: haha you're freaking crap you know. you and joanna ah.. talk bad about me.. hahah hiaz. you better treat your fellowpunctuation mark well! friday! ((: you better dont pangseh again!

1:03 AM

Saturday, May 27, 2006

today's a really tiring day. woke up early with the plan to run with my sis haha but we both woke up late so went to macs to eat big breakfast! ((: hehe havent had such a nice talk with my sis. then went to school, panicked, got nervous and sat for the exam. shouldn even have attempted to study at all cause i didn use anything i studied. the exam was crap , didnt know how to do a lot esp for compre. essay was just nonsense cause i wrote crap. gracious society. i think i wrote out of point comparing to what pamela wrote. roars. then straight after the exam which was three hours long there was ltc pre camp. was grouped up and i have charmaine and amelia in my grp! ((: played a few games and had some briefing then ended around 8 plus.super late. supposed to end at 7.30pm but everything got pushed back. after that went with song yao and james to town. went to cine at first cause wanted to watch x-men but no tickets so we walked to ps but also no tickets so we decided to eat. went bk to eat. hahah they're full of crap man!haha talking nonsense the whole time. sat there till about 10.30 then decided to go home. cant imagine i was so blur cause i went off to go top up my card so i said bye to them already . then i was walking down the escalator, i just stood at the signboard then someone put his hand in front of me. haha james ! i thought he went off already. anyway yeah so went home together. walked and talked. fun day out. havent been to town for a really long time! haha i think the library's becoming my best friend. alright. this hols is gonna be busy. first week is pre u sem then second week is ltc. roars. mugging time.

its much easier talking to you now. at least it doesnt seem so odd as it used to. today made me have some hope. maybe im just being too optimistic.

12:33 AM

Thursday, May 25, 2006

life's getting better now i guess. maybe. possibly. exams are fast approaching but not prepared at all. im starting to press the panic button. i need to study harder. roars. anyway study session in library after school till 6 today then the guys were supposed to go sji to play badminton haha but siyang dao song yao so no badminton. stupid haowen pangsehed again.

gone. gone forever. i actually was disturbed at the blog entry. i dont know whats wrong with me . anyway im starting to learn how to cherish life more i think. looking at the fraility of life, i begin to get scared, of how i may lose someone close to me without telling the person i love him/her. its times like this where people regret how a word or sentence could mean so much. i guess i take too many things for granted. i just realised how a smile or a greeting could really make a person's day, how asking someone how their day went could brighten up their day cause at least someone cared. but yet its hard sometimes esp when your day didnt go well, when you're feeling frustrated and when you dont feel like talking to anyone at all. i guess thats when i snap at people and feel bad after that.

do people actually care about inner beauty?

12:48 AM

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

boring day at school. after school went to collect my blazer and for buns and marianne too. then went for lunch and for pre u sem rehearsal again. then song yao asked to go play badminton. haowen said she would be coming so i stayed back. audi was filled with chairs haha and the three of us stupidly moved all the chairs and tables to one side. decided not to play cause haowen pangsehed me again and didnt come back. anyway im tired and im off to go something useful.
its funny how words can change your feelings and emotions and make someone happy or sad. a picture paints a thousand words. i guess i agree with that too.

i thought about it and i know its not worth it. its not easy talking to you at all. yeah i know its time to forget all about it.

10:59 PM

Monday, May 22, 2006

school was extremely boring today. was super lethargic during the last part of the day. then met song yao and went to toa payoh to study. library was full so we went to macs. joanna and charmaine came at like 5. then they left at 6 plus then james and yen kiat came. studied till nine. haha conversations are really funny and interesting! ah.. when they talk about training and stuff, it feels so odd to know that we're never gonna train anymore, we'll never be part of the team anymore. roars. anyway hehe study sessions with them are super funny.

tag replies:
cherlyn: hey thanks a lot girl. i miss you loads man. too bad couldn see you at the funfair. was hoping to see you though. haha you going to watch? you know him??

marianne: hey thanks a lot marianne. you've been there for me the whole time! ((: yeah hope things work out. glad to see you last sat! (: tc too!

tommy: hahah hello! yes you and warren are the only ones who call me trina still ! haha you la come up with that horrible name! yeah was surprised to see you too! havent seen you in a long time! catch up soon ya? four of us can go out again sometime! hope you're doing great at rj! ((:

celine: yeah i read your blog about ij also then i realised ij's been a really big part of my life. i feel the same way as you do too. yeah royal choc house really brings back a lot of fond memories. the main four esp you jessie zelina.

haowen: you stupid pig keep pangsehing. roars. joanna also! you better come for the rest of the badminton stuff!

im glad to see things work out this way.i guess treating you as a friend is the only way out. well thats what somone told me to do. i hope we become good friends even though we're not part of the team anymore.
i love the badminton team! ((: all 7 people!

10:27 PM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

i've been thinking a lot these days and i realise there are so many things that i cant let go of or rather its i dont wanna let go. well, i guess those memories, experiences are so dear to the heart that i wanna keep it forever. its so hard to move on, to be unsure of what the future is gonna be like, to go and face new obstacles alone, to adapt to a new environment and then look back to regret. i guess its my life in ij that i cant let go of. i know everyone is moving on, adapting well to jc life , making new friends and creating new memories but i guess im holding myself back. im making myself dislike the present,making myself think negatively about what is about to happen. i still regret my decision, i know i cant change it anymore and i need to try to make do but its making me unhappy. conversations with charmaine are so relieving, to know someone feels the same way as me. i miss ij a lot. really.why's it always when its gone then you start appreciating it. i really miss the feeling of being at home in ij, of how you know there were people you could fall back on, people whom you could really trust without doubting, people who were willing to walk to journey with you. i miss the prefectorial board. although there were many things that happened which were unpleasant, but they were the ones i go to school for, they were the ones i grew closer to in such a short period of time. roars. i miss everything about ij, i miss 4/2 , i miss the things we did in ij . i miss the steamboat session we had , the countless class . roars. its hard to be the same person i was in ij because i dont really feel at home in cj. roars. im glad i have the people in badminton though and people in class like pamela gomez and christy. study sessions with badminton people are always hilarious and make me happier for some reason. oh wells. things wil change im sure.

10:15 PM

Friday, May 19, 2006

tests are pretty much screwing up my life these days. im so last min, studying for the test a day before and not being able to finish studying. chem test yesterday was atrocious, i think im gonna fail. i've got so many red marks already im so dead. roars! yesterday waited for song yao and the rest to go study but they all pangseh so song yao and i went to toa payoh macs. stupid haowen say she going then she just went off. roars! then joanna didnt come to school. haha bus trip there was hilarious anyway. song yao and all his nonsense. haha suaning throughout.reached there and studied econs, had to study econs , do the project and do chinese essay. all in such a short period of time. then yen kiat and james came too. studied till 8.30 then went home.
today was just a crap day. all the periods made me super irritated. hahaha pamela and i were really agitated during gp that we burst out laughing like crazy idiots. haha laughed and we realised we like the same type of songs! hahah kept listening to the same song over and over again! haha then econs test. totally gonna fail man. had council meeting after school then went to island creamery with charmaine then to town to meet bernie and we ate pepper lunch! hehe walked around talked a lot. saw tommy after a really long while. havent seen him since we changed schools. then charmaine and i went back to toa payoh cause we wanted to study but in the end didnt cause we went to meet shi ting and serene and talked more.
hehe love charmaine lots man, so fun spending time together cause she understands how i feel and its feels really good to have someone on the same wavelength as you and even knows exactly what you're referring to without saying it out explicitly. thank god for her in cj man. my eleven yr friend (:

yep i think i've given up. its time to. i've been unhappy for the dumbest reasons. life hasnt been going too well and you have been making it worse. i've got so many other things to worry about.a part of me still goes out to you but i guess im trying to forget day by day so it wouldnt hurt.why am i so unhappy everyday? everything's a mess now. not a single thing is going well. why cant there still be a badminton team? why cant things change for the better? why ? i wanna be a happier person. but for now i know i am not.

10:50 PM

Friday, May 12, 2006

cute little rover before we sent him to the grooming salon for a shave. hehe he's so adorable!

6:09 PM

these few days have been good. i've been rather happy i guess.but i've been missing a lot of lessons cause of badminton competitions. but now that its all over, its time to catch up on my work. anyway we all have been thinking about whats gonna happen to the badminton team, well the we all only consists of the three of us since the j2s have officially stopped cca. have been thinking about the team. well, we've been through quite a lot since the time we joined, when no one came for training, no one bothered about anything in badminton but we've come together as a team from then on. we did try out best to retain the team for the sake of marie, we even signed the contract to make sure we all came for morning runs, trainings and even if we were sick, we had to sit through the morning runs and trainings. every time during morning runs, you could see everyone making the effort to come that early, can see people rushing and running to the grandstand just to be on time. my first training in badminton was bad,really wanted to quit alraedy cause stuff happened and the three of us were unsure of what was happening, but im glad we all stayed. seeing the team come from nothing to become something, to be able to take part in the competition which the seniors tried to persuade mr liu to let us take part. now that the competitions are over, it seems like the team is gonna be separated. i dont know. everything's so uncertain. there's gonna be badminton outing tmw and we get to see each other again and ahve fun together! ((: so many memories attached within such a short period of time. well the guys have their matches next week and the girls are going down to support. hope they win! ((:

12:17 PM

Monday, May 08, 2006

today's a happy happy day. oh wells at least everything went right. ((: firstly, went to school early in the morning with the aim of presenting the othello play. it was going to be screwed up cause we didnt practise at all so when she came out she was like actually there's no time to present already so why not let me see your script! so we didnt have to do! ((: hehe. all the countless times writing the script. anyway had break for the first period,so went to library with christy. haha during that period always see the same people in the library like buns and marianne. went for chem and math lecture then break then math tutorial and lit tutorial. didnt go for chinese and went to tampines sports hall with marie xiaoyan and weiqin. got there and yan zhang was playing the 2nd singles. missed the 1st singles and 1st doubles. but cj won the 1st singles and then yan zhang's game was super nice to watch!! then was ryan and zac's game. first time watching ryan play and quite interesting to watch. but then walkover cause the opponent got injured half way through. last one was song yao. could tell that he would win but was exciting to watch nonetheless. and CJ WON!!! ((: hehe. went back to school with charmaine tay after the match for the council results. was quite scared actually cause like everyone was waiting outside lt4 looknig rather nervous too. hehe but anyhow i got in (: charm too! ((: hehe she was jumping around happily! sat in the canteen for a whole long while talking with alison and charm cause celine was doing detention. then james and buns came too. tmw's the girls match against mjc. i really hope we win. tmw's a crucial match for us and i hope everyone does their best. ((:
thanks to all who tagged. made me feel much better ((:
tag replies:
haowen: hahah what song and kite! you all talking nonsense you know! hahaha and its so obvious! but its time to give up. ): sorry for all your efforts. i knwo you're gonna kill me after reading this.anyway i hope we win tmw's match so that we can have a chance of staying as a team!
joanna: thanks a lot prunana. i know you and haowen have been trying to make me positive about stuff and all. really appreciate it.
marianne: thanks a lot marianne. things are getting better! ((: great seeing you at class outing that day. cant wait for fri! ((:
amandaang: thanks a lot mandar. ((: yeah i'll cheer up. hope to see you soon and update me about stuff in ac!!
aileen: ditzy!! sorry really couldnt go the other day although i wanted to see you!! missing you lots bestie!!!
pam: hehe thanks! ((: thanks for cheering me up in school !!!

i guess i shouldn let how i feel based on you alone. concentrate on what needs the most attention first and well, although a part of me goes out to you but i know it wouldn work out after all. im gonna try and remain happy i guess. maybe positive about you too.

11:09 PM

Saturday, May 06, 2006

there are many times we feel that we're falling below expectations, not meeting up to what others expect of us, and just failing to do stuff we thought we would be able to do.there are times when you thought the person was meant to be but suddenly everything takes for a turn wont that be so upsetting? disappointment often overwhelms and i guess its difficult to overcome that. people often say when you fall pick youself up and move on. is it that easy? when you fall, wont the disappointment be so great that its so difficult to pick yourself up again? just when you were ready to put in effort or have already put in effort and you fall, wont it be so painful? if you put in so much and still fail, wont the confidence level plunge alot? wont you be scared to put in so much ever again? i would be. the easiest way out sseems to be giving up, but is it worth it? i dont know. i guess its time to move on.

12:40 AM

Thursday, May 04, 2006

today was a pretty long day. so many things happening and i just cant seem to handle everything. i dont know why. my head's so bogged down with things and perhaps i really should take things easy. had training after school today and i realise this is one of our last trainings with the seniors already. ): went home with sam fong after that. i hope we manage to go to the next round cause that will give us a chance to remain in badminton and that badminton team will have some hope of even having a team. i dont want badminton to become recreational. i hope the 3 of us can stay in teh same cca. student council results are gonna be released tomorrow too. but im not gonna be in school cause there's match tmw. im really scared. really hope i get in. im so nervous now.roars. so many things happening tmw. council results, badminton match.. ah. i hope tmw will be a happy day.

i was just grumpy today. sad day cause of sad news. maybe if i didnt say it out and you didnt know, i would still be deluded but at least i would be happier. ):

10:03 PM

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

school ended at 9am today cause first period was chem then break andthen we have to leave classfor match. so ipretty much went to school for nothing. anyway met the rest of the team to eat, talk and get ready forthe match. the bus didnt come cause they thought it was 1.30 so we had to cab there. played first singles. lost my match but we managed to win overall against innova jc. the other matches that the rest played were really good and even coach and mr liu complimented the rest. was really happy for the team. went town with the seniors and joanna. haowen pangsehed us totally. ate at thai express and thenwalked aroundand went home.

i guess the happiness didnt last long. its time to give up completely. but it hurts real badly.

11:01 PM

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

today was a relatively slack day.had loads of break cause we didnt have pe and the rest of the lessons were slack. met up with the pre u sem team after school with mrs tan to discuss the skit and it was super long. discussed a lot of stuff. christine and xiaoan came over for a while. missed badminton cause of that and went to see the social dance thing also. anyway yeah sat with charmaine's class people and played truth or dare with them. haha they're really nice la. dont even know some people but could talk to them so easily. anyway stayed till 7 and went home with rose. didnt study with them today.
i just watched our 4/2 class video and i cant believe i cried at some parts. couldnt help it cause memories just came flowing back. couldnt imagine two years spent with 4/2 could be so memorable. there were so much fun laughter and joy in those two years spent together. we journeyed together as a class, played, studied did all sorts of funny stuff together. our countless class outings, hymm singing practices, class steamboat, sentosa, chalets, all those stuff we did made our class much stronger, bonded. i cried cause there were so many happy times and now i just wanna go back to the past because i didnt really cherish them in the past. i used to think they were a bunch of competitive people but now looking back, they were the ones who made my life in ij complete. i'll never forget the times we came together as a class to stay for countless math remedials, waiting for mr tan who always came late for class. i'll never forget staying back so late to train for the rugby matches and painting the countless banners for netball carnival. so many things its hard to describe in one entry. but i know even if i dont say it out each and every 4/2 girl will know how i feel and its so touching to see how we've all graduated from ij with grades we never thought we could achieve. we were always looked upon as the class which was always under achieving, but we've proved everyone wrong 4/2 and im proud of you all. though we've all gone our separate ways and leading our own lives and we may never see some of us again, but at least we know our paths once crossed and i'll always remember every single one of you.

i really dont know how you feel and it makes me even more confused. sometimes you seem so friendly but at times you dont seem like you wanna talk to me. maybe its a sign that i should give up. its no point waiting anyway. but somthing tells me inside that i should wait. i hope this time im right.

10:20 PM